“My wife is always saying she wants me to be more romantic, but frankly, beyond flowers and candy, I don’t know what that looks like.” Many of us can relate to this statement. And not just husbands. Wives are confounded with how to boost romance in their marriages as well.
Who better than Solomon, as described in the Song of Songs, to help us ignite intimacy in our marriages? Here, we will consider how Solomon romanced his bride Tirzah in three ways:
- The unexpected
- The impractical
- The intentional
Let’s look at each of these concepts and consider ways we can apply them today to enhance romance in our marriages.
Romance Each Other with the Unexpected
Solomon surprised his wife with a lavish bedroom constructed with cedars from Lebanon (see 1:16-17). The message this sent to her was, “You have sacrificed your home for me, so I am bringing a bit of your home to you.” Sometimes the little things mean the most. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
Unexpected Romance Idea Starters
- Romance your wife by offering her a single long-stemmed rose for no reason, other than “I love you.”
- Surprise your husband with a new transparent, low-cut teddy after the kids have gone to bed.
- Use glow-in-the-dark stars to write a love message on your bedroom ceiling. Think of words like “You are my lover and my friend” or something meaningful and provocative to the two of you. Surprises don’t have to be a big production.
Romance Each Other with the Impractical
Not only did Solomon romance his bride with the unexpected, but he was also at times extravagant and impractical. It must have been very expensive for him to bring cedars from Lebanon to build their bedroom sanctuary. He could have used local wood, but that wouldn’t have sent Tirzah as powerful a message of his love for her.
Have you ever done something romantic for your spouse that was extravagant? Or does your desire to be practical get in the way? If so, we encourage you to be willing to take a risk. We are not advocating irresponsibility. We aren’t encouraging you to take out a second mortgage so that you can surprise your spouse with a trip to Europe or to go into credit card debt to buy a special gift. (Remember, Solomon had the money to purchase those cedars and ship them to Jerusalem!) We’re simply pointing out that it’s possible to be so practical that romance gets squelched. What can you give from your time, love, hard work, or savings that would make your mate feel cherished?
Impractical Romance Idea Starters
- Redo or update your bedroom to create a romantic mood, even if it simply means fresh candles.
- Create a night together under the stars.
- Help your mate achieve a dream that’s always seemed out of reach.
- Splurge on a five-star meal (even if you need to use a coupon to fit it into your budget).
Romance Each Other with the Intentional
Wise man that he was, Solomon understood that sometimes even the unexpected and the impractical must be planned. Solomon was intentional in his love for Tirzah. He planned a date (see Song 2:8-17) and cleared his schedule for a vacation so they could spend time loving each other (see 7:11-8:14). When she felt insecure about herself, he was international with his words, praising every part of her body (see 4:1-8).
In our hectic lives, romance will get crowded out unless we are intentional about it.
Intentional Romance Idea Starters
- Plan a night out alone as a couple–not with friends or to a party–just the two of you.
- Appear spontaneous–such as window shopping–and stop into a store where you have already purchased a gift awaiting your spouse, held at the counter for your arrival.
- Adapt this idea for dinner and have reservations. When you arrive to a long wait, you can impress your spouse by planning in advance with a reservation.
Now it’s time to put what you have read into practice. Take action! Romance is the fire in the fireplace of your marriage. So venture out and romance each other. Do the unexpected. Be impractical. Be intentional. What you reap in your intimacy will be well worth your effort!
Discover the fun and freedom of God-centered sex by diving into Intimacy Ignited by Dr. Joseph + Linda Dillow and Dr. Peter + Lorraine Pintus.